I can’t believe I’m writing about this. And in truth, I’m really NOT writing fully about this. Just a teeny blip. Maybe I should title it “The trees that the birds and bees…visit.”
Here’s the blip. Does anyone else find it rather ODD that we try to introduce the subject of sex to our children using…PICTURE books? This HAS to be the most utterly confusing method of presentation. “Here, darling, I want to explain to you about something a husband and wife share that no one should ever watch, and I’m going to explain it using this book that has…PICTURES.” ??? Think about the expectation this sets up. If I am teaching about a frog’s life cycle and introduce a picture book–it’s going to show: a frog’s life cycle. Get my drift here? Picture books about birds and bees dance around the topic with strange drawings and over-simplified phrases, making it … waaaaay more disturbing than it has to be. They are the elephant in the room. The kid knows it’s there and is looking for it on every page…but how do you have a book eluding to the elephant with zero pictures of the elephant? And what message does it send when we try to introduce a subject that we’re intentionally, simultaneously hiding?
I’ve purchased quite a stack of birds and bees picture books myself. Why? Frankly, FEAR. I wanted it to be a friendly chat, like the kind we have when reading Blueberries for Sal, with someone else writing the story. “I’m just the page turner, kiddo, don’t blame me for this wonky book about a mystery elephant…”
I’ve chosen a few examples. Because stopping now would leave most folks dying for evidence. (Point about the elephant perhaps proven.) Let’s just rip this band-aid right off. This is a from a series that won a Christian book award: God’s Design for Sex. After I threw them across the room in horror, I snapped a few pics to save others from a similar fate of buyer’s remorse. I should probably put a WARNING right here: due to the nature of the topic, proceed without little eyes peering over your shoulder. (Although all content shown is approved by the publisher for ages 5 and up.)
Let’s go straight to Book Two: Before I was Born, geared toward ages 5-8. Here is the birds and the bees text:
And the accompanying illustration:
Okaaaaaay. Well. This could not be more awkward. If I were to start a discussion with my kindergartner about this topic, I would not belittle their intelligence by feeling I needed to illustrate what it means for a man and woman to “hold each other close.” One could argue though, that this illustration is “needed” because the wonky text left out the word: NAKED. But it didn’t leave out other words…so, hello elephant: Are they…? Did they…? Does the book want me to imagine them…? It’s just a pile of mess.
And reader, is the reason a husband and a wife want to be alone “so they can think only of each other?” I can think of 17 better (Biblical) explanations–but hello, picture book with limited space. We’re at the mercy of editing and the Biblical explanation got squished out for some kind of marital exercise in concentration. I think I’ve said enough here.
Let me share one more page. (I’m sorry.) But I want to clearly share my viewpoint, which is: picture books can make a mess of this topic. Below is a paraphrase of birth:
“Her husband stays with her to help her not be afraid?” The not-so-subtle idea shared here is that birth is something to be feared. “It takes a long time for a baby to be born. It might take a whole day.” A whole day? Well, don’t tell many of my friends who apparently shattered that record. Is that ‘whole day’ spent like the woman in the terrifying illustration that accompanies this text? (Don’t even get me started on the word choice “pops out.”)
I am sorry for that picture being right in our face at this moment…
I can do a full review of the other books in the series if there is interest. My simple statement is: I rate them all about the same as the one above.
If picture books aren’t the logical choice for starting this discussion…then what? That may be different for each family, and I won’t pretend to have an answer. But I can say that natural dialogue is much more gentle, and we discredit our abilities in this area when it comes to introducing birds and bees. We think we need an expert–but we don’t realize that we ARE the expert! Don’t we know our child the very best? Better than an author presenting the topic universally to masses of hypothetical children? Simple questions, building one upon the next, organically over time is natural. Let it unfold slowly. If you feel the need to ‘beat the culture to it’ then by all means, be the one to introduce big questions for discussion. I predict that most children will not miss the distracting picture books that everyone is trying to sell to their parents.
Tiny clarification: science-based anatomy books = good. The birds and bees topic is DIFFERENT from anatomy. Related, yes, but DIFFERENT. Often, a science unit-study of human anatomy sparks birds and bees questions–it opens the gateway to healthy dialogue. As children grow, the books get better–but leave the picture books for someone else to throw across the room.
Lastly ~ you’ve got this. Go wrestle that elephant.
Saltbox Colonial 